A Letter to My Former Self [By Jeremiah Bryan]
Dear Me,
Hey there. This is your future self. Life’s not going too well, huh? There's a lot of things you need to do, and none of them feel as if they have any purpose. You're drinking again, aren't ya? Yeah. I get it. Nowhere to go and nothing to do, may as well. You know, don't ya? You know it's not getting you where you want to go, smoking all day and watching TV, but you don't see the point in doing anything else if there isn't a point in anything at all, huh? Well, I get it. There's been times that don't make sense, and times that do. It hasn't all been bad, you got a job, a place to live, and a girlfriend. In fact, besides the money issues, it seems you got it all figured out.
So you're wondering why. Why is it that you feel like something's missing? Why do you keep making these choices, when you know they're bad for you? Why can't you see any hope, any future? Why don't your friends see how much you are hurting? Why are you so empty, even though you have it all? Why do you want to die?
I'll tell you why. You need Jesus. You're going to come to the program, as a last resort, in a few months here. It'll seem like the best option to you, when you run out of money to pay your rent and your Grandma offers to send you there for 8 months to help you get sober. At that time, you are going to say to yourself all types of things. “I want to get sober anyway. How bad could it be? It's only 8 months. I got nowhere else to go. I'll go and if I don't like it, I'll leave. I can make some money and get a clean head, then I'll get back to it with a new attitude.”
But let me tell you, Jesus has a different plan for you. You remember when it happened, when you were hurting so bad you called out. "God, if you're out there, show me. Help me get out. I don't know what to do." Well, surprise, he heard you. He is going to bring you to Rockside, and you guys are going to meet. He's going to want to have a relationship with you, and that means he will need to clear some space. You are going to quit your job, leave your girlfriend, and cut off all your hair. Crazy, right? Oh just wait, he's only getting started. He has plans for you, to prosper you and not to harm you.
But don't worry, it will be the most amazing thing that you have ever done in your life. He is going to fill you with his Holy Spirit, and change your perspective on everything. By the time you finish, you will have the first real friends that you have ever had in your life. You will have a family in him, not one in blood, but one in Jesus. You're going to get baptized there, start working out, quit everything that is holding you back, and learn to rely on him. It will be hard, don't get me wrong. But it will also be full of joy. You're going to play paintball, swim in the ocean, run with hundreds of people, climb to the top of mountains, go snowboarding, play basketball, watch movies, have huge dinners, cook huge dinners, wrestle sheep, build fences, teach yoga, and pray. Oh boy, you don't know it yet, but you're going to get addicted to prayer. You'll be praying at the mountaintops, in the snow, in the dry heat, in holes in the ground, in the river, in the middle of the street, on the corner of the street, anywhere you can.
So do it. Just go with all the reasons that make sense now, and let Jesus do the rest. Yeah, it seems wild: What about this? What if it doesn't work? What will people think? That's the enemy, trying to hold you back from the beautiful work that the Lord has planned for you. Oh, it's so good. You have no idea. So jump off, leave it behind. After all, what do you have to lose? And everything to gain.
Sincerely,
Your Future Self